Thorn in my flesh

St. Paul speaks about the thorn in his flesh that keeps him humble. He goes on to teach that humility is important...(I am feeling very preachy because it is Sunday, but if you know me, then you can anticipate that I am going to turn this teaching on it's head). I don't need more humility. Why, because it already comes naturally to me. My background is humble, my country is considered third world, the university where I got my first two degrees does not even feature in the top 1000 universities of the world, I was an ugly teenager, I have a debilitating eye condition, English is not my first language, need I say more? All these things erode my self-esteem. So every end of the day, I loose hope. And every morning I have to remind myself that I have what it takes.

But I do not have what it takes. I have a lot of learning to do. Maybe that is why I am doing a PhD. Thankfully, Stellenbosch is much better rated than my other university. It is a big boost to my confidence that my proposal was accepted here. Other than this, I have very few reasons to be proud (this paragraph is a stub....I will abandon it).

Arrogance is what I need. How else would I post on this blog every single day and believe that someone will even read this far into an article? The compliments I get are very helpful but they only come after I take the courage to venture out. Nobody told me I could be a great blogger or a great artist (and I'm not even there yet) I just have to believe that I am.

When people tell me I am beautiful, I still get so surprised (I was really an ugly teenager, I kid you not). But maybe they are referring to inner beauty because I don't think I am much of a looker, though I said I was, elsewhere in this blog. I contradict myself. The best is when other pretty people tell me I am pretty, that makes me happy. Ugly people obviously want to console other ugly people so their compliments don't count for much. And did I tell you people think I look much younger than I really I'm? Mmmhhhhh...maybe I should go to church. Be blessed.